Comebacks to Comebacks to Those One-Liners

• M: I know how to please a woman.
  W: Then please leave me alone.
  M: I guess you're pretty good at pleasing yourself then.
• M: I want to give myself to you.
  W: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
  M: Oh, just cheap perfume then.
• M: Your hair color is fabulous.
  W: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
  M: Is that also where you got your eyelashes and colored contacts?
• M: You look like a dream.
  W: Go back to sleep.
  M: You mean this isn't a nightmare?
• M: I can tell that you want me.
  W: Yes, I want you to leave.
  M: Well, I wasn't planning on doing you HERE!
• M: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
  W: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.
  M: Really? You look more like a "Yield."
• M: Your body is like a temple.
  W: Sorry, there are no services today.
  M: Here's a donation to restore the exterior.
• M: Is this seat empty?
  W: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
  M: [Looking away] Honey, there's two here!
• M: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
  W: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
  M: You're right. I was lying.
• M: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
  W: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
  M: Well, I guess you really don't belong in the men's room anyway.
  

The trust factor in dating

The above cartoon tells what a girl can do for the trust factor in dating saying, "While you were sleeping, I had a tattoo that reads 'I have a girlfriend!' put on your chest. Now I trust you?"

Wrong Answer

A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"

"Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."

Used to talk in the chatroom

A girl is asking her boyfriend on a date saying, "I realize you're used to talking to me in the chat room, but do you have to move your fingers like you're typing everytime you say something?"

Dumping a girlfriend while golfing

A girl tells about her story of getting dumped from her date while playing golf. "I took up golf so I could spend more time with him. Then when I beat him, he dumps me.

Wait for 3 years for a date

See the funny dating cartoon above where the girl is cleverly asking his boy to wait for 3 years for a date saying, "Thanks for a lovely evening. I'd like to take things slow, so give me a call in about 3 years".

Yuppie Women

• Father to Yuppette's boyfriend, who arrived to take her on a date: "She'll be right down. Care for a game of chess ?"
• One Yuppette to another: "He likes my company, and I just love his. I think it's called the First Fidelity Trust."
• Two Yuppettes were discussing their current relationships: "At first he seemed dull and uninteresting, but when you finally get to know him, he's downright boring."
• The Yuppette was considering the proposal of marriage she had just received: "Let me hear that part again where you realize you're not half good enough for me."
• The Yuppette was standing on the porch, with her Mother, watching her boyfriend depart: "But Mother, I'm positive he's been faithful to me. The seat belts never need readjusting."
• I have a new definition for y'all to consider. A Lesbian Yuppette is nothing more than a mannish depressive with delusions of gender.
• So many Yuppettes seem to appreciate the quiet things in life -- Like the folding of a five hundred dollar bill.
• The Yuppette was obviously tiring of her current beau when she asked: "When people ask me what I see in you Raymond, what shall I tell them ?"
• The bored Yuppette said to her date: "I think I'll have another drink. It makes you so witty and charming."
• The Yuppette was trying to reassure her lover during sex: "Of course you're not the first man I've made love to. You know I think more of you than to just use you as a guinea pig."
• It's easy to spot the nouveaux riche Yuppettes in Columbia, Maryland. They're the ones watering their flower beds with bottled water.
• You'll very seldom see a Yuppette eating a hot dog. None are certified or warranted by the Kennel Club.
• Most Yuppette's have no use for men who try to mess up the country's economy by living within their income.
• I've noticed the oddest behavior in most Yuppettes. The only time they won't look in a mirror is when they're pulling out of a parking space.
• This phrase that most Yuppettes use -- "professional woman." I mean, come on. When's the last time you met an "amateur" one?