25 things women want to hear

Bear in mind the following 25 things that women want to hear while dating:

1. Gee, Sweetheart, let's skip dinner tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is you.
2. Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.
3. Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.
4. Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it's one thing I hate it's skinny women.
5. What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.
6. How about I give you a nice massage and foot rub. I really don't like sex that much anyway. (Huh?? - ^v^)
7. You know, that Pam Anderson just doesn't seem to have the brain power that I find so attractive in a woman.
8. What a break, I won a prize on the radio station.... tickets to either the Super Bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!
9. Be careful Darling...don't let it go too far down your throat.
10. Who wants to play golf when I can get to see how good the lawn looks when it's freshly mowed.
11. While you're up Sweetheart, can you get me a glass of water. I think I've had enough beer.
12. Shoot, there's nothing on TV but football games. Let's go furniture shopping.
13. There ought to be a law against those porno movies. Can you believe that there are guys that would actually want their wives to do those things they show?
14. Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.
15. I'm getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?
16. You know, I think I'd really prefer the four-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.
17. Look at that... disgusting. Why would she wear a short skirt like that with no panties?
18. Golly I think we're lost. Let me find a gas station to ask for directions.
19. My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don't you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house.
20. If the guys call and want me to go to that new strip club with them, tell them I'm busy. I really want to get the living room painted tonight.
21. You know Sweetheart, I'm really glad you don't like doing all those dirty things they write about in those stupid sex advice columns.
22. Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up.
23. If you're looking for me later, I'll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.
24. You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough.
25. Why don't you relax this weekend. I'll take care of the cooking and housework.
    

10 things not to say to your girlfriend's parents

10 things not to say to your girl-friend's parents on the first time you meet them:

1. My parole officer thinks Sarah has a calming effect on me.
2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
3. Which one of you taught Sarah to give such great head?
4. Can you believe it those jerks at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!
5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now, my wife can be rather vindictive at times.
6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.
7. Sarah is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.
8. Nice place you've got here, that painting looks expensive, I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?
9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sarah's will be okay too.
10. Can I put my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.
    

10 Ways to Know You Have PMS

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. Your using your cellular phone to dial up every bumpersticker that says, "How's my driving- call 1-800-***-dating."
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
    

9 types of girlfriends

Whether you are dating a 18 yr old girl or 99 year old woman, your girl will always fall into one of the following categories.... Funny!!!

1. Ms. Nice Girl
   "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!" Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze or Doormat.
   Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
   Disadvantages: May wise up someday
2. Old Yeller
   "You spineless good-for-nothing drag-arse no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??" Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady or Warthog from Hell.
   Advantages: Pays attention to you
   Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans
3. Sickly
   "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite." Also known as: Whiner, Mewler or Grumpy.
   Advantages: Predictable
   Disadvantages: Contagious
4. The Bosser
   "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look." Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain or Yes Mom
   Advantages: Often right
   Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied
   "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?" Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical or Aw C'mon Honey.
   Advantages: Easily soothed
   Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed
6. Wild Woman out of Control
   "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun." Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena or Passed Out.
   Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
   Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs
7. Huffy
   "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at." Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg or Snarly.
   Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
   Disadvantages: You will have no friends
8. Woman from Mars
   "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship." Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News or Artistic.
   Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
   Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud
9. Ms. Dreamgirl
   "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!" Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection or Gorgeous.
   Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
   Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.
   

9 types of boyfriends

Whether you are dating a man or a boy, he will always fall into 1 of these 9 types of boyfriends list:

1. Joe Sensitive
   "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?" Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg or Snugglepup.
   Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
   Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
2. Old Man Grumpus
   "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV." Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover or Jerk.
   Advantages: Stays put; predictable
   Disadvantages: Royal pain in the butt
3. Flinchy
   "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did." Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff or Hey you.
   Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
   Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle
4. Bigfoot
   "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'." Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk or Big 'n' Dumb.
   Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
   Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
5. Lazybones
   "Zzzzzz" Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket or Drug Addict.
   Advantages: Well rested; easy target
   Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams
6. The Sneak
   "Who, me?" Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime or Son of a Bitch.
   Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
   Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
7. Ace of Hearts
   "After I wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?" Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova or Monster.
   Advantages: Perpetually aroused
   Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
8. The Dreamer
   "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--" Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon or Bag of Wind.
   Advantages: Tells good stories
   Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"
9. Mr. Right
   "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?" Also known as: Mr. Perfect or Jim Dandy.
   Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
   Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction
   

Sharing what's on heart

Another funny cartoon where a man is sharing his thoughts on a date with his beloved saying, "If I could live my life over, I wouldn't change a thing, especially diapers".

Funny cartoon about online dating

The above cartoon is about online dating & for people who would want to do everything on the internet. It reads - I prefer online dating. Deleting someone with one click is less exhausting than a long & painful breakup.