A Woman's Little Instruction Book

• If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
• Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
• The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.
• Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
• A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
• If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
• Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
• A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.
• Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
• Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
• Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he does.
• Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.
• There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -- strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you can still use them.
• Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.
• Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
• There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop" (unless they're used together).
• Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.
• If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day and he will be back to his usual self.
• All men are like chickens with their heads cut off when they see beautiful women pass by.
• If your man appears happy, excited and keeps looking at you all of a sudden he is probably checking out the women behind you.
• Figuring out men is like trying to make a jigsaw puzzle in a car, once you think you have it all put together, you find another piece but you don't know where it goes.